new fad

I dreamt last night that heroin was the new black. All the pretty cool-girls were doing it. They walked around town practically drooling on themselves. Droopy eyes, and hunched shoulders were all the rage. Waitresses could barely hold themselves up.

I found myself with a group of cool-girls wlaking out to a parking lot. This is when I found out why everyone looked like zomnies in their super premium jeans. I thought we were just going out there to smoke pot, but on the way they began showing off, and bragging about, their heroin accesories. Especially the things, I forgot what they are called, that you tie around your arm to cut off the circulation so you can find your vien easier. Some had red ones, some black, some satin, one girl's wrapped around her arm for what she said, "maximum cut off."

I gave in, I couldn't not be cool, so I shared thier pink plastic needle, and as soon as it was done I knew I needed to go to rehab. I was hooked. Then there was the fear that I must have gotten HIV. All these statistics popped up in my head, I was certain of it, and so pissed off that I contracted AIDS becuase I waanted to be cool. It would have been easier to buy more expensive jeans.

what a dufus.

Visica Pisces; a dream blog

Visica Pisces; a dream blog

I had a dream that Howard's wife died. We were at a party, his party, but he din't look like Howard, he was much older than he is in real life. There were a lot of people at the party.

Howard had made his wife a smoothie and went to look for her. A guest pointed out that they saw her going into the bathroom a while ago. I saw him knock on the door, and then I saw him go in with the blender full of smoothie. He came out with an empty blender and I knew that she had died of a heart attack. He didn't tell anyone that he had found her, but I knew he did. A few minutes later someone else came up to him to break the news and he didn't tell them that he already knew. He just said that she did it becuase she had never wanted to drink the smoothie in the first place, but didn't want to make hism feel bad about it.

the dream went on. I was in the car with him, he had daughters with him. We were dumping his wife's belongings out at different thrift stores. Then I was in San Diego carrying him around in a basket. He fit inside of it like a small child. The basket was filled with cat litter, and the only thing you could see was his little face. He said that he was dying, shrinking, from a broken heart.

I put him in an old folks home in the end. It had become illegal to be old and alone. If you were widowed you had to go to a home. He was found out to have been alone and broken hearted, and I brought him to the home, where he admitted he would probably have a real good time.

Visica Pisces; a dream blog

Visica Pisces; a dream blog

i have been dreaming a lot about safaris lately. if that is how you spell it. i doubt it is. safaris to Asia mostly. I have been uncovering the false American-made facades in all the other countries, only to have large red poisonous snakes unleashed upon me by beautiful blonde women.

Last night, i dreamt I was breast feeding my first child, and it felt better than anything I have ever felt so far.

I awoke in one of the worst moods of the year, wondering if anyone was proud of me, if anyone took me seriously at all. I found out that one person was and does, maybe a couple more.

I will try to find more.

I have so many many dreams.

Tavia

Visica Pisces; a dream blog

Visica Pisces; a dream blog

Last night I dreamt I was with my family, but I didn't recognize any of them. So, not my family in reral life. I was asking them where Ema was. I was yelling at them, "How could you just leave her in the park, she is only two years old, she is going to get kidnapped!!" I was also upset because one of them took my chair that was in my office and had not returned it. There was along silence, and heads bowed, many of them shook their heads. "Ema has been dead for a week now," one of them said, "This outburst is the last thing her mother needs right now."
"And your chair," Another said, "Your chair is right where it always is." I went to see, and there it was, where it always is. I felt ashamed, and confused. And then I woke up, did't feel well, and called in sick.

Visica Pisces; a dream blog

Visica Pisces; a dream blog

Last two nights:

The first night I dreamt that there was one tuna tartar left at Chez Nous and that I wanted to eat it, even though i was not hungry. i started to eat it, and I didn't even like it, and then my boss, Lisa, got really mad at me. That is all I remmeber.

Last night I remember a moment where I was half way between sleep and waking, and I was laying next to John, and I could feel him there, and I thought, how happy I was, and how warm I felt. That is all for now.

Visica Pisces; a dream blog

Visica Pisces; a dream blog

SUNDARA, I HAVE A HARD TIME TYPING!!!

Visica Pisces

Visica Pisces
A dream blog

January 28th

I had a dream that I was stuck on a line. A line from A to B. It was more of a conceptual dream. I couldn't see anything, I just knew I was caught on this pencil drawn line, and I was upset because I thought that I wasn't that kind of person, I remember that I was all over the graph, that I was all sorts of shapes, mostly a blob, moving around like an amoeba. I was much happier then, I thought. But now I had to cram myself into this line. Then I woke up and I had to go to work.

I have decided that this blog will be about my dreams. I have a lot of them, I sleep a lot, I nap as much as I can. I remember my dreams, and they are, maybe only to me or whoever is lucky enough to appear in one, interesting. It is a way of saying, 'hey, these is who I am, or this is how I am feeling' without a lot of real boring back-story. And by real, I mean real.

January 27th: I have had a light fever the past two nights, which always causes some twisty turny dreams. The first night I awake, in my dream, in my bed, and I am thirsty, so I get up, everything is where it is supposed to be, no sign that I an not actually awake, and then I start to feel a loss of control, a tingling, and then fear and then I know I’m dreaming. These dreams are reoccurring. I stumble back to my bed, and do what I often do in these dreams; I lie down, close my eyes and open them, again and again. I believe this works and I rise from my bed again for a glass of water, but this time there are people in my house, people I don't know, and I grow angry, really angry. I want a fucking glass of water, real water, not dream water. I start breaking things, and screaming, 'it doesn't matter, this isn't my favorite lamp, and it is my dream lamp.' Every time I break something, it becomes a new, even better object (lamp etc.) But I am still angry, I want out, I feel trapped, and the people in my house are obnoxious and they have cold hands. One guy, a short balding guy, tells me to jump out the window, that it was the only way. Then John came home from work and I finally woke up and got a glass of water. When I fell asleep again, I had another dream, this one was really horrifying. I was with friends (strangers to me in real life) and a husband (not john, but someone I have never met) and we were running around am orange grove. One of my friends ran into a branch and it cut her open. Instead of blood, maggots started pouring out of her, and it dawned on us, because of course maggots, we must be dead. She felt it liberating to finally know the truth that we have been decaying for years under our skin, but had somehow ignored it by playing it safe, she started to rip off her face and her chest, and fell to the ground, disappearing completely. My husband and I, and the rest of our friends, were not convinced that ripping our skin off only to have the rest of our bodies disperse as maggots was the best idea, but we were afraid that our decay would show itself at inappropriate moments. Maggots running across the dinner table if we cut ourselves with a steak knife. This fear made my husband succumb and rip his face off. I decided that the best solution would be to retrace my steps, to see where it was that I did die and start to decay. I found it was a house that my husband and I had bought. It was beautiful, and that is where I knew it all happened. At the house, there were people renovating it, painting it, and building a beautiful spiral staircase. Then I woke up and had to go to work.